Parakīya-bhāva is a key idea in the tradition of Gaudyia Vaishnavism. It describes Kṛṣṇa’s loving pastimes with the gopīs (in the Rāsa Līlā) and with Rādhā herself (in the Gaura Līlā).
In Sanskrit, parakīya means belonging to an other, another group, another tribe, or another people. Parakīya-bhāva is most often interpreted narrowly to mean love outside of marriage. In modern Hindi, it has come to signify ‘adultery’.
But a more broad interpretation understands it as love with a foreigner, an outsider, or a stranger. What can this teach us about love itself?
When, in Luke 10, Jesus is asked what we should do to obtain eternal life, he replies, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul’, then adding a saying from the Torah, Leviticus 19, ‘and love your neighbour as yourself.’
A wise listener then asks him, ‘Who is my neighbour?’ Jesus famously replies with what is know as the parable of the Good Samaritan.
The parable tells of a Jew, travelling on the road to Jericho who is attacked by robbers and left for dead. Two Jews pass by him, but offer no assistance. Then a Samaritan passes and cares for the Jew.
The story is remarquable because in the time of Jesus Samaritans were ethnically and religiously similar to Jews, but different in crucial theological matters, leading to conflict. A Samaritan was considered by a Jew to be an enemy. The conduct of the Samaritan is considered as a model for love as compassion for one’s enemy, for a stranger.
Love that is lived according to law is governed by law. Love that is lived within social norms is constrained by those norms. Love that is lived according to rules is a slave to those rules.
In all these situations love takes second place behind the rules. The law or the norm is higher than the love.
Love lived in conformity with rules is nothing but love of the rules. Love lived according to the law is conditioned on the law. And love at the service of norms cannot fully serve the beloved.
The Good Samaritan is a model because his love is blind to the rules that distinguished him from the Jews. What Jews saw as different, he saw as the same. Where the Jews saw a category he saw an invitation.
Social norms of love exist to remind us who is not lovable. Rules of love exist to alert us to which love is not allowed. Laws of love exist to tell us what love is to be punished.
These practices move love from its place in the heart, to the mind. They leave the purity of our hearts tainted by the fear of others. I love you, yes, but under certain conditions.
Unconditional love is irregular, deviant, criminal. Unconditional love, the only form that love of God can take, does not see right and wrong. It loves all hearts equally. Authentic love loves all.
Love your neighbour as your self doesn’t mean love your neighbour although she is your neighbour, but because she is your neighbour.